Official Joke Thread...

[Wendigo]

I'll start :


What's the difference between IronMan and IronWoman?






















One's a superhero and the other is an order!

[brianr0131]

A woman asks her husband for $5000. He asks why she needs the money. "For breast enlargement surgery", she responds.

"Well, I don't have $5000 for you, but why don't you try rubbing toilet paper between them every day for a while?"

"Toilet paper?, What's that going to do" she asks.

"Well, I don't know about breasts specifically, but...............







































It's worked wonders for your ass.

[Emilio Estevez]

How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?































Call her and tell her.

[Wendigo]

An Englishman, a Welshman and a Chinese man are all in the hospital waiting for the birth of their first sons. The doctor comes out and says, "Gentlemen, I'm afraid there's been a mix up: we don't know which baby is which."

The three fathers decide to use their fatherly instincts to pick the correct baby. They draw straws and the Englishman gets to go in first.

After 5 minutes he comes out holding the obviously Chinese baby, while the other two stare in utter disbelief.

"Why do you have the Chinese baby!?" asks one of them. The Englishman replies....























"Look, one of those white kids in there is Welsh, and I'm not taking any chances!"

[nguideau]

BadMonkey walks into a bar...

























Mid-hump.

[defrag]

A blonde, a brunette, & a redhead walk into a bar.
Bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"


"My teacher asked me what kind of animal I wanted to be, I said a bird.
She asked why, so I could fly? I said no... so my sh1t would be white."
- Steven Wright


"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."
- Redd Foxx


What's brown & sounds like a bell?
Dung.
- Monty Python's Flying Circus


"AA is for quitters!"
- Jeff Dunham


Oh, & BTW...
Your mother is so ugly, it looks like someone set her face on fire & tried to put it out with an axe!

[Ddjembe Mutombo]

The square root of negative one is in a bar and spots a girl he'd like to get to know better. He walks over and asks her out on a date. She replies with... "Get real".

[Ohara]

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one egg says to the other.. "I've got a huge crack!" the other egg replies "Stop f***ing teasing me, i'm not hard yet!

[Ddjembe Mutombo]

Two muffins in an oven. One muffin says, "It's hot in here". The other responds, "Oh my god, a talking muffin!".

[Icarus]

A man is led in a hospital bed after a motorcycle accident when the nurse comes over...
"sir.. i have some good news and some bad news for you, which would like first?" she asks.

"bad news first" replies the man.

The nurse says "both of your legs will be amputated later today after your crash"

"what is the good news?" asks the man.

"the guy in the next bed wants to buy your flip-flops"

[misterMagoo]

Ohhh this is such a great idea!!!


A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!' The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much.. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......

























ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?

[Wolfe]

steven hawking walks into a pub...






























the bar man says "it's a miracle"

[Wolfe]

BadMonkey walks into a bar...

























Mid-hump.

lolol

[Icarus]

Having an engl logo as a signature when you don't even have an engl......












.....and then posting on the ORANGE forum.

[jason41224]

Having an engl logo as a signature when you don't even have an engl......
.....and then posting on the ORANGE forum.

wait, so you DON'T love my new signature?