way off topic, but if you want to hear my girl troubles...

[bavaro]

let me start by saying this is super off topic, and i just feel like venting, so please don't feel like you have to read/respond haha.

two weekends ago, my girlfriend of two years told me she wanted to break up. she said she felt that she needs some time alone to figure out what she wants, to not have the responsibility of a relationship, and to make sure it is me she wants to be with. we had been seeing each other less, as she goes to school an hour and a half away, so we were 'drifting' very slightly, but there is no real reason other than her wanting to be alone for a bit. now the other part of this, is that she said she wants to get together at the beginning of the summer to talk about where we're both at and see if we want to be back together. in the meantime, we are talking occasionally, but both are free to see other people. i can't bring myself to even flirt with another girl, because this girl means the world to me. i'd give up anything (hell, even my orange) just to wake up next to her everyday. honestly, i'd do anything to get her back and spend my life with her, but i'm also afraid of pushing her away more by telling her that. of course, waiting three months to discuss where we're at will probably be an awful and long three months, and i don't know whether i should just accept and move on and see where 'destiny' takes us. anybody else ever been in this boat, or at least have some advice for me?

[baytamusic]

I'm guessing you are a little younger than me. haha. I've already learned my lesson with situations like this.

Here's the deal dude. Don't want to be a jerk, and I've been there. But telling her how much you care and being all nice is about the worst thing you can do if you want her back. Completely quit contacting her on your own, go out, meet girls, have fun, get on with your life, and forget about her for a while. SHE WILL get in touch with you if she really wants to be with you, and this is the absolute only way you will get her back. I promise you, showing her you are this romantic, loving, nice guy will only push her farther away. Concentrate on yourself, your music, and your life FIRST. Women love men who don't NEED them. Pretty soon you won't care if she's there or not, and that is when she'll come back.

[sidvicious]

i'm an expert at this.

you're being donkey-donged. i'll pm you my number. call anytime.

i'm good at this. i'm a lawyer; i know how to f$ck it or unf$ckit.

seriously,

give me a call.

sv-

[OrangePaul]

Sounds like you just need to give her the space she wants and hope she misses you in the process
Then again maybe its a test to see if you will put your foot down
No idea how old you both are but in my experience marriage is way over rated anyhow

[SlovakZombieHero]

Concentrate on yourself, your music, and your life FIRST.

This. Don't give yourself time to wallow and mope, dude. You gotta do things for yourself, and do things to keep you busy. I just recently ended a two-year relationship, too, so I know what it's like. Start working out, focus on music (if you're in a band, try getting more involved in that. If not, start one!), find a good book to read! Do things for yourself that will keep you busy, healthy, and active. It's the best way to keep going.

[sidvicious]

the key is to be COMPLETELY aware of what she's thinking and why.

i can help. give me a call. check your pm messages.

[Ohara]

I'll throw my two cents in the ring.

Sounds like you ex has a new guy she is interested in at school, sorry but I picked up on that in the first two lines of your post. And the fact that you say she wants to get together at the beginning of summer to see where things stand tells me, she is going to see if she wants to hook up with you over summer, as the new guy probably doesn't live in the same town as you and will be moving home for summer.

Do yourself a big favor and go out and start meeting other people. There really is alot of fish in the sea and as much as it hurts it is better to find things out now than five years down the road when you have a house and kids and all the other fun stuff.

I can honestly say the longest I have ever had to go without getting some action was when I was married the worst part though is that I was the only one going without. but now that I have moved on in life, I realized that I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO much happier.

[baytamusic]

Also, she's more than likely banging some other dude, sucks to say, but it's usually the case, it has been for me EVERYTIME a girl has acted like this. You are getting put in the "Friend Zone". Get out now and do your own thing.

[OU818]

I've had this happen. It felt like hell but you've gotta consider that if her affectations are waning then letting it happen is the only proper course. Movies always try to promote some sort of romantic notion of winning domaines heart but in the end, if somebody is drifting purely of their own accord, there is little you can do. She can just take the 'being strong' approach and push you away more.

Then there's this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZMIghe ... ata_player" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[bavaro]

thanks for the replies, guys. i'm not sure about whether she is doing this all for someone else. while it's always a possiblity, there were some heavy emotions involved for her during this, and she has been open in conversation that she's really confused about this and doesn't want to be with anyone for the time being. again, i guess that could all be made up, but i dunno. giving her space seems like the popular option. i haven't been too mopey, going to the gym every day and working on music. but still very confused /:

also, sid i PMed you back.

[baytamusic]

thanks for the replies, guys. i'm not sure about whether she is doing this all for someone else. while it's always a possiblity, there were some heavy emotions involved for her during this, and she has been open in conversation that she's really confused about this and doesn't want to be with anyone for the time being. again, i guess that could all be made up, but i dunno. giving her space seems like the popular option. i haven't been too mopey, going to the gym every day and working on music. but still very confused /:

also, sid i PMed you back.

Oh trust me, I've had girls break up with me, fall apart, cry for days, still hang with me, want me to continue living with them, but they were banging another guy. It's about comfort. Not saying it's necessarily your situation, but don't discount it.

Anyways, don't be confused. Just do your own thing and let her be the one that's confused. There are so many awesome girls out there, that I've decided if a girl dumps me again, I'm just saying, ok, cool, and moving on right then and there. It's not worth feeling like crap over. Chicks use this stuff to keep your attention so they don't have to feel lonely while they do whatever they want. TAKE A STAND MAN! Tell her to take a hike if she doesn't know what she wants and just spend some time not speaking to each other, it's best.

[jason41224]

thanks for the replies, guys. i'm not sure about whether she is doing this all for someone else. while it's always a possiblity, there were some heavy emotions involved for her during this, and she has been open in conversation that she's really confused about this and doesn't want to be with anyone for the time being. again, i guess that could all be made up, but i dunno. giving her space seems like the popular option. i haven't been too mopey, going to the gym every day and working on music. but still very confused /:

this is one of those times where it's advantageous to be a guy. in other words, this is one of those times where you need to tell your emotions to take a vacation, and look at the facts only. that's probably why you're confused right now; you're relying too much on what you feel, rather than what you know.

if she's with another guy, that's not for you to worry about. it's usually better off unknown. i wouldn't even think about it; for all intensive purposes, just assume she isn't, she just doesn't want to be with you anymore. if she does come back, she's gonna have to be honest about what she did, and you can make your decision from there.

so yes, give her space. the deeper you dig, the more painful it will be. good luck, man. and i know talk of religion isn't allowed here, but i just said a prayer for you.

[indianDYsummer]

I'm guessing you are a little younger than me. haha. I've already learned my lesson with situations like this.

Here's the deal dude. Don't want to be a jerk, and I've been there. But telling her how much you care and being all nice is about the worst thing you can do if you want her back. Completely quit contacting her on your own, go out, meet girls, have fun, get on with your life, and forget about her for a while. SHE WILL get in touch with you if she really wants to be with you, and this is the absolute only way you will get her back. I promise you, showing her you are this romantic, loving, nice guy will only push her farther away. Concentrate on yourself, your music, and your life FIRST. Women love men who don't NEED them. Pretty soon you won't care if she's there or not, and that is when she'll come back.

This is some really good advice (and I'm basically the same age as you haha). I spent too much of my college life being hung up on one girl that wasn't worth the effort. It took me like 6-8 months to fully get back out there, and it sorta sucked, but I ended up growing a lot because of it. In hindsight I wish we split up a lot earlier, but it was a valuable experience for me emotionally.

College is great because you're really at the point in your life when you realize you're not the person you thought you were, or maybe you are. I agree with everyone that you should see this as an opportunity to meet different people and learn about yourself instead of trying to get her back. It seems like a lost cause until at least summer anyways. Everyone at your (our) age is still turning into the person they are going to be. Sometimes its better to do that by yourself for a while.

[StonieSlagg]

there's some good advice above, heed it.
she's banging someone at school...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwoM5fLITfk" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

learn it, live it...

[bclaire]

Count your blessings here.

She wants to move on, to explore herself, etc. etc. at least you found out what you're dealing with NOW instead of married and complications. I've had several married friends who have had this happen and it's a living hell nightmare. You have the luxury of not having the commitment, and it sucks, but you'll move on and find something better. Don't hold out for her- SHE'S moved on- you need to, too. My guess is, she's not coming back- you will both be totally different people by the time you have the reacquainted talk.

Definitely get out and do stuff- write some f-you songs since this is the perfect time for some heartfelt songwriting. Go see some bands, play your guitar, hang with friends, talk to people, and explore yourself as well!