way off topic, but if you want to hear my girl troubles...

[Wendigo]

Here's my blunt assessment:

She is now looking at other guys and doesn't want to be tied down, probably because she is already involved at some level with another guy at the university. You say you guys were already drifting; not having any contact from now till the summer will kill anything that was left of the relationship anyway. She is not as serious about you as you are about her. She's trying to let you down easy by telling you she wants to contact you in the summer to see where you are at. Move on. Women can be cruel. Sorry man, by my experience tells me this is true. Look at my sig photo below. That's what I ended up with after about 10 serious relationships and the breakups, some times my decision, sometimes theirs with all the tears and begging and making a fool out of myself that one would imagine. Looking back I could have been a lot more analytical about those girls' behaviour and saved myself the heartache and the wasted time trying to find the girl and boy you see in that photo..

[nguideau]

I agree with some of what bayta suggests you do, though I don't necessarily agree at his reasoning.

First of all, not all women are like that. And plenty of men are like that as well. So let's just call it a character flaw anyone can have regardless of their sex or gender role.

Second, I don't know how old you are, but I believe you're in college? So I'm guessing 19 or 20, and assume she's in the same neighborhood. I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm Mr. Mature -- I'm not, I'm probably a man-child according to my wife -- but I think everyone over the age of 22 or 23 on the forum will agree with me when I say that in those few years most people go from being immature twits to being functional adults.

So, it may be something where you're ahead of the curve and she's behind it, you know what you want in life and have ideas for it, and she's still figuring it all out.

And let's also consider that she's mostly telling the truth. Sorry, it does sound like she's found someone else she's interested in -- but it doesn't mean the reasons she gave you are untrue. She may really feel the need to change something up and see how she feels. You have no choice but to accept that.

Where I really disagree is about telling her how you feel. I don't think anyone can advise you on what to do there. You have to make that decision on your own. I don't think it immediately repels women. I think everyone, man or woman, has a different emotional attitude and thus takes those sorts of things differently.

What all of this has to be about is what will make YOU feel the best, given the bad situation. So I say, if it will make you feel better to call her up, and just say your piece of it, and get your feelings out there, then do it. I wouldn't belabor it, but tell her once, and then close that book.

And most certainly where I agree with bayta is that you need to move on as if the relationship is over for good. Life is short, don't waste time thinking you have to hold on. I'm not saying to try to suppress the feelings you still have about her, but channel them into something, like your music, and focus on other things in your life that are positive and make you feel happy. It's crazy to say "stop thinking about her" or "stop having feelings for her," but it's fair to say "don't wait for her."

[Randy Bass]

I think it's been covered pretty well already, but you have to make sure you are focused on what is really important, like getting new pickup mounting rings on that Les Paul . Don't assume anything, good or bad, and let it play out. Emotions will destroy you if you let them. If it doesn't turn out well in a few months, see if you can at least bang her mom to get some closure.

[OU818]

I think it's been covered pretty well already, but you have to make sure you are focused on what is really important, like getting new pickup mounting rings on that Les Paul . Don't assume anything, good or bad, and let it play out. Emotions will destroy you if you let them. If it doesn't turn out well in a few months, see if you can at least bang her mom to get some closure.

Randy, I plan on someday finishing that Shrine I am building out of the pearls of wisdom that you post here.

To the OP: You think you have problems... I just heard Kim Kardashian's new single.

[Borderline Productions]

Keep in mind that you are taking advice from a bunch of people who spend their time typing to people they have never met before instead of having a real life.

My take is that she has moved on, either emotionally or physically (maybe both). She is just trying to be nice, which is both good and bad (bad in that it may lead you on). There are girls out there who like to see how much devotion they can get out of a guy almost as if it were a sport. When total devotion is achieved, they get bored and they want to move on to their next challenge. I used the word girl purposefully, because a real woman won't do this. My guess is that you two are on different emotional levels, she realizes this and it has scared her off. Give her space.

Unfortunately, all females want us to talk about our feelings, but they really don't really want to know about our feelings. They do this to soothe any guilt they have about cutting us loose. I doubt that you will have the beginning of summer conversation.

Use your time to write 7 or 8 killer songs and figure out how to distribute the EP they will generate. Been there, it sucks.

[nlimbaugh]

Clarity = getting laid asap

[Y0UNGBL00D]

i got 99 donuts cuz a b1tch ate one

nom

[bavaro]

thanks again for more advice, guys! (and the prayer jason). we're both 22, so it's kind of a strange point in both of our lives i guess. one thing she said that kind of stuck in my mind is that she wishes we met after college. i'm still torn on whether this is all because she has feelings for someone else or is interested in someone else. i just have a feeling she doesn't, just from the way our relationship went and the way she is. she's very blunt, and isn't afraid to hurt my feelings with her opinions most of the time, so i don't know if it's necessarily her letting me go easy or to make herself feel better. then again, i could jst be too emotional about all this! haha. another strange thing, although i could be looking too much into it and it sounds immature, but she changed her facebook relationship to nothing, not single or in a relationship just nothing, from in a relationship. i know it sounds immature and stupid, but it just seems strange that she wouldn't just change it to single if she was already moving on. i guess only time will tell, though. and in the mean time, i just met a really nice girl in my computer science class

[OU818]

thanks again for more advice, guys! (and the prayer jason). we're both 22, so it's kind of a strange point in both of our lives i guess. one thing she said that kind of stuck in my mind is that she wishes we met after college. i'm still torn on whether this is all because she has feelings for someone else or is interested in someone else. i just have a feeling she doesn't, just from the way our relationship went and the way she is. she's very blunt, and isn't afraid to hurt my feelings with her opinions most of the time, so i don't know if it's necessarily her letting me go easy or to make herself feel better. then again, i could jst be too emotional about all this! haha. another strange thing, although i could be looking too much into it and it sounds immature, but she changed her facebook relationship to nothing, not single or in a relationship just nothing, from in a relationship. i know it sounds immature and stupid, but it just seems strange that she wouldn't just change it to single if she was already moving on. i guess only time will tell, though. and in the mean time, i just met a really nice girl in my computer science class

I ended a pretty significant relationship at 22 as well.
A year later I met the girl I am still with (7 1/2 years so far). Not a day goes by that I don't praise the day that relationship ended. At the time it was like my world had dissolved however a few months later and I was more surprised I had stayed in the relationship for as long as I did.

[indianDYsummer]

thanks again for more advice, guys! (and the prayer jason). we're both 22, so it's kind of a strange point in both of our lives i guess. one thing she said that kind of stuck in my mind is that she wishes we met after college. i'm still torn on whether this is all because she has feelings for someone else or is interested in someone else. i just have a feeling she doesn't, just from the way our relationship went and the way she is. she's very blunt, and isn't afraid to hurt my feelings with her opinions most of the time, so i don't know if it's necessarily her letting me go easy or to make herself feel better. then again, i could jst be too emotional about all this! haha. another strange thing, although i could be looking too much into it and it sounds immature, but she changed her facebook relationship to nothing, not single or in a relationship just nothing, from in a relationship. i know it sounds immature and stupid, but it just seems strange that she wouldn't just change it to single if she was already moving on. i guess only time will tell, though. and in the mean time, i just met a really nice girl in my computer science class

I ended a pretty significant relationship at 22 as well.
A year later I met the girl I am still with (7 1/2 years so far). Not a day goes by that I don't praise the day that relationship ended. At the time it was like my world had dissolved however a few months later and I was more surprised I had stayed in the relationship for as long as I did.

Just wait until this one is over! I kid, I kid. I know exactly what you mean though. I'm so happy the relationship I mention ended.

[Randy Bass]

...i guess only time will tell, though. and in the mean time, i just met a really nice girl in my computer science class

Sure, she seems nice now ...

[indianDYsummer]

One time i was in the computer lab and I passed a girl I didn't know a note that said something like "You're cute.. wanna go out? Check response: _ Yes or _ Yes"

Fast forward 2 years and I'm dating her best friend!

[flea]

It sucks, but like they say, you need to move on and treat it like it's over. If she does come back, great. If she doesn't, then you'll be that much further down the recovery road. About a year and a half ago I was supposed to get married, and a week before the wedding my fiance decided she wanted to end it. We never fought or anything, I thought everything was going well. She text my friend's wife who was throwing her a shower the day of and told her it was off and there was no need for the shower, with no thanks or anything. It wasn't a few days later and she was dating someone else. I'm really glad it happened when it did though, as opposed to after the wedding. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this can be a blessing in disguise. Who knows, you may even meet your soul-mate soon!

[mmsb13]

TIME TO MOVE ON. . .
Anytime you hear that bullsh!t. . . the other person is looking for an out and trying to get away with the least amount of hassle. You can't make someone love you. . . move on. . . that wasn't your soulmate.

As bad as it feels. . . it gets better with time. . . I know. . . I've been there.

[nguideau]

If it doesn't turn out well in a few months, see if you can at least bang her mom to get some closure.

Best advice in this thread.